Real Madrid are the European champions. Champions of Europe. Kings of Europe. It’s now the case that you must write it three times in a row, and you must repeat it a lot. Such has been the recent success, a fear of the number 13 has emerged since the last time Florentino Perez placed a Champions League trophy in the cabinet at the Estadio Santiago Bernabeu, that day has now arrived and the Real Madrid shirts will now have a patch on the sleeve with 13 on it.
Enric Gonzalez speaks in his ‘Illustrated Hooligans’ about Espanyol and the importance of the story. He does this by contextualising the path that Barcelona took in the transitional period, but it’s worth it. Guardiola won two Champions Leagues with Barcelona because he was the best coach in the world.
We know this because Guardiola had people to write this triumphant story of a coach who changed football. On the contrary, Zinedine Zidane has nobody to write about him, he has people who despise him. Real Madrid don’t win because of Zidane and they don’t win by being the best team, here are the 13 reasons why Real Madrid are the European Champions.
1: The referees
The whole world knows. Italian referees, English, Serbian, Turkish and wherever they are from, there is a conspiracy to make Los Blancos win successive Champions League titles because that’s the best thing which can happen for UEFA
2: The draws
The secret is hot balls, those which have paired the club with Paris Saint-Germain, Juventus and Bayern Munich. It’s all remotely controlled.
3: Zidane is lucky
He’s so lucky that he decides that Bale is better as a substitute and he comes on and scores two goals, one of them a bicycle kick. The changes of Lucas Vazquez and Marco Asensio were beneficial and starting Karim Benzema and Isco made the team able to retain possession. It was all so lucky.
4: Their opponents are old
Kylian Mbappe, Mohamed Salah and Neymar are all on the downward curves of their careers, their age shows they are clearly declining.
5: Their fans don’t encourage them
The chant of ‘We’re not going to love you’ was heard in Kiev and it was a sign of respect to the fans of Liverpool, but it gave Real Madrid encouragement.
6: It doesn’t matter that Antonio Pintus doesn’t know how to coach players
Los Blancos reached the final with every single player fit and available, there were no injury concerns and everyone had the chance to start the match. This all came after Sergio Ramos said the players were all like Miura, but obviously Pintus has no idea what he’s doing.
7: Their opponents were injured
Neymar was hurt and couldn’t play against Real Madrid, whilst Salah was left injured after a collision with Ramos on the pitch in Kiev. You simply can’t compete in those circumstances.
8: They somehow escaped Mbappe, Lewandowski and Salah
In every single match it was clear that the opposition were going to take full advantage of Real Madrid’s defensive fragility. It was said that playing against Dijon and FC Koln is the same as the European champions.
9: It didn’t matter that Marcelo doesn’t know how to defend
Liverpool were going to destroy him in the final.
10: Even though Cristiano Ronaldo doesn’t score in the big matches
The Portuguese forward failed to score in the semi-final or final, his last goal in the tournament came against Juventus.
11: Despite the fact Bale and Benzema have no value
The two goalscorers in the final were the two most criticised players throughout the season.
12: Because opposing goalkeepers hand them victories
Sven Ulreich and Loris Karius must be involved in a shared WhatsApp group with UEFA referees, they conspired so that Los Blancos would emerge victorious.
13: Because being from Madrid is easy
This something everybody knows, Real Madrid simply don’t have feelings or emotions, those are things for others.